Parkies are supposed to stay well-hydrated. That’s why I bought the large blue Contigo water bottle to take to work. I fill it with water and a spritz of fresh lime every morning before I head out the door.
Parkies should also stay alert while they’re driving home at the end of a long work day. So I bought the cute, intended-for-children Whiptail Lizard water bottle from LL Bean. I fill it with iced coffee every morning, keep it chilled until I leave school, then sip it when I’m stuck at traffic lights on the car ride home.
Both bottles have internal straws, which I hereby reclassify as infernal straws.
Problems:
- When I pop open the Contigo bottle at work, a spray of water always shoots out and gets my desk/keyboard/paperwork wet. I’m not alone. Coworkers who have their own Contigo bottle complain this happens to them.
- When I’m driving home, the iced coffee in the LL Bean bottle sometimes warms up, as does the air inside the bottle. The warm air expands, forcing the coffee waiting in the straw to erupt out of the nozzle and puddle on the car’s upholstery.
- If I close the nozzle and wait to open it until I get home and if it’s a really warm day, the remaining coffee bursts out when I flip open the nozzle, flies upward a few feet, and splatters on the kitchen window and curtains.
Parkies and parents of school kids: Is this right for America? Is this right for the world?
Didn’t think so.
Side note on the whiptail lizard: Some species of whiptail lizard reproduce asexually; the female lays viable eggs without any contact with a male. The process is called parthenogenesis.
From Wikipedia, the font of all knowledge:
Parthenogenesis
Certain species of whiptail lizards have all-female or nearly all-female populations. These lizards reproduce by parthenogenesis, and research has shown that simulated mating behavior increases fertility. For instance, one female lies on top of another, engaging in pseudocopulation.
[…]
The New Mexico whiptail lizard is a crossbreed of a western whiptail which lives in the desert and the little striped whiptail that favours grasslands. The lizard is a female-only species that reproduces by producing an egg through parthenogenesis. Despite reproducing asexually, and being an all female species, the whiptail still engages in mating behavior with other females of its own species, giving rise to the common nickname “lesbian lizards.”
I wonder if LL Bean expects parents and teachers to explain this to young children who drink from this cute water bottle. Of course, I think it’s a great idea. And maybe the double L’s in LL Bean’s name stand for “lesbian lizards.”
Same problem here!